I suppose I have the right to remain silent about this, but I no longer have the ability. I’ve thought long and hard before writing this letter to you, but there are some things I need to say to you. We’ve known each other for a long time and I’ve come to rely on you for a lot of things. I’m not really sure how or when we came to know each other but when I first met you somehow you made me feel safe. I felt like nothing could touch me. Pain, hurt and disappointment stayed away with you in my life. I knew what to expect with you and that’s exactly what I needed.
After getting to know you better over time, I’ve learned a lot of things. You became controlling and you’re always putting me down. You tell me over and over how I can’t do this or that. You tell me that no one will value what I have to offer. You discourage me from pursuing things that I want in my life by telling me the risk is too great. YOU NEVER ENCOURAGE ME and you constantly remind me that my security is in you and that to reach my dreams I have to trust you and allow myself to feel safe with you. You warned me about pain, hurt and failure. You said they were a gang of thugs I wouldn’t want to run into. I’ve believed you and trusted what you were saying to me, but now I’m not so sure.
You see, the other day, I ran into My Dreams again. They’re bright, beautiful, happy, smart, intelligent and inspiring. They told me again how much they want me. They’re dedicated to me but only if I am totally dedicated to them. I know this is no surprise to you because I’ve talked to you about My Dreams before, but you laughed and told me what an idiot I was for believing anything they had to say to me. “Achieving them is like being given a task to complete a 1000 piece puzzle with 500 pieces and having to create the other 500 yourself, why would you put yourself through all of that?” you scoffed. So I was kept nicely tucked away…safe from failure, safe from happiness, safe from fulfillment and safe from reaching my full potential. Well, I’m not free. I’m not fulfilled. I’M NOT HAPPY. Your puzzle analogy is actually a good one. You see, I’ve learned that half of the journey is simply having the desire to pursue your dreams and the other half is just making them whatever you want them to be. I have a longing for something more than what you’ve offered me and I need to make some changes. You’ve held me back long enough.
My Dreams have made some big promises and I admit at first they sound daunting and scary but I believe them. They make no guarantees except that if I really want it then I would let nothing stop me. I am aware that I will meet with pain, hurt and failure but they’re toothless tigers. If I would just keep my eyes on the beauty of My Dreams then not only would I draw closer to My Dreams but My Dreams will draw closer to me. Every pain or disappointment or failure would be worth it!
I know you’ll always try to find your way back into my life, but in order to courageously pursue My Dreams I have to resist you. I have to turn you away and learn to control you and not let you control me. My Dreams have promised me freedom. They give me permission to envision a “Me” that I choose to be. That’s why I’m in love with My Dreams. They see the best in me unlike you who reinforce the worst of me. Like many dreamers, I sometimes mistake disenchantment for truth when all it meant was that that piece doesn’t fit in the puzzle. Dreams don’t come easy and many times the journey is scary, but I know now that courage is simply being scared to death…and saddling up anyway.
Well, Fear, I no longer need your protection.
I’m throwing myself out there…I’m making myself vulnerable. I know I will be knocked down from time to time. I also know that as long as I can look up, I can get up and if I can get up, the beauty of My Dreams will shine brighter than before.
My mother always said to me before I pursue My Dreams that I must do one thing that will make all the difference in the world. I must commit this journey to God, first. She told me I would meet challenges that will test my faith and integrity. If I can honor God with my life, treat people I meet respectfully and deal with them honestly and fairly; if I commit all that I do to God, then God will honor me with the desires of my heart. Only then will I meet My Dreams face to face. I wish I had done this a long time ago but as long as I’m sucking wind, its never to late. I’m dedicating myself to pursuing My Dreams, the dreams that God has placed in my heart.
Fear, you really need help. It must be difficult being you. Anyone whose entire purpose in life is to hold people back, telling them they are not worthy or they aren’t smart enough, or they are not deserving of the best that God has for them, has a REAL PROBLEM. You need counseling, but I’m not the one to give it.
So now a new journey has begun. I’ve changed the locks, Fear. Your key no longer works in my door, your things are on the porch and I’ve activated the alarm. You know, its funny. I can still hear you in my head telling me that I’m making a mistake and telling me that I’ll be back. You often asked me why would I take the risk to go after some pipe dream. Well, I know that I’m opening myself to an emotional ride but my decision is simply a risk rooted in the courage to be free and I choose to be free…free from you. Perhaps life is no more than a dream and a fear, but I heard someone say once that there are no safe positions in life. We all have to die to leave here. Since I’m here, I can’t play it safe anymore. I have to be bold, courageous, brave and daring. I’m going after what God has for me. My mother warned me about you and I never listened. I’m listening now. My Dreams are waiting and they’re awesome!
I suppose I had the right to remain silent about this, but I no longer have the ability.
Don’t call me anymore. It’s over. Goodbye, Fear.
©2012 Mark Denman
2 Timothy 1:7 – God has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, love, and good judgment.
Proverbs 16:3 – Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.